My first meeting with my Father........

I think it's impossible to recount all the details that have taken place over the last days. It's kind of one of those weeks like time just slows down and you walk forward into places you know your not even capable of being present in apart from the work of God. I was in awe at the way God had prepared me in previous days to face the biggest fear of my life-my Father. In my mind, he was a violent, tempered, abusive person I tip toed around as a child. I have no memories of any loving moments as father and daughter. So for me this was a process of facing the abuse and trying to forgive. I spent days in a class the week I found out where my father was being taught about helping people recover from abuse. I also was prayed for a week later by friends in my class and it was through that prayer I really felt it all go....the anger, the fear, the uncertainty.

The day I met my Father we walked into the room and I leaned over and shook his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Caye". He looked at us and said, "Oh, I thought you would still be little". We sat with him and talked awhile and at one point he said, "I was so mad at your Mom for taking you from me. But I know why she left...she left because I slapped her around". There was no remorse in his voice no apologies...."I leaned over and said, "Juan, you know she took us away because she thought it would be better for us not to grow up in that environment. I remember you getting violent with me too...Do you remember that?" He nodded and looked down. There was a sorrow in his face but it was the kind of sorrow that was more for himself...he had that same look every time I saw him. I said, "Well, you kind of messed me up inside but I want you to know, I FORGIVE YOU". I couldn't believe how easy it was...how it just rolled off my tongue and I really meant it. I felt so sturdy, so strong, so present....Juan looked down again and nodded. I reaized I was a different person than he was and I felt my heavenly father affirming me as his daughter....deep inside. I was not angry, I was not bitter, I was not afraid.........I was letting go.
He asked for a hug before we left and my brother and I walked out of the building. I felt no emotion really just a wave of release......I leaned over the car thinking I was going to toss my cookies and just then heard my phone ring. It was a friend calling to see how it went. I just know that the prayers and support of so many is what has made this possible. Thank you all.....