Flying to MIchigan

So today we are flying to Michigan to meet my father. I posted something yesterday but so much has happened since then. I just knew a couple of days ago that I wanted to go with my brother whenever God led him. I know I will safe with him with me. The thought of meeting Juan is not just wierd and new but for me also very scary. So having Josh with me will help me face that fear. When Josh called yesterday and said he really thought he needed to go soon and that he didn't want to risk not meeting him I knew I needed to drop everything and go at any cost. I think the debt of this trip will pay itself off with the future healing of my heart. So we started searching for tickets for the next day. I am flying from a remote airport in Mesa with Allegient Air into Grand Rapids. I arrive in tonite at 8 pm. Josh will get in at 6ish in Detroit and then drive 2 hours to come get me. Then we drive another hour to Battle Creek. I know being there will be a flood of childhood memories....I also know God is reminding me of what he saved me from and how different my life would have been up there. We are staying with some dear friends we always called Uncle and Aunt....we still feel like kids when we talk to them.

So we won't actually see Juan till tomorrow but I wanted to share a victory in my heart. I had my first Seminary class last night with Wayne Grudem. Even though I"m excited it was the last place i wanted to be last night. But as I sat through 4 hours of theology from a master I was struck by God and his revelation of himself throughout history. After class I walked out with all 5 girls in the class of 40ish. We all were parked on the roof and ended up saying goodbye up there......a friend leans over and says, "let's all pray for Caye". They made a circle around me and we must have prayed for 20 minutes. I can't tell you the power in their prayers to soften my heart. The more they prayed for Juan the more I felt the love of God rising up for the worst of sinners. Do I really believe he saved the theif on the cross? I think I'm aware of how only God can do something like that...and for me it means letting God in me rise up to forgive my father. But the anger is just slipping away right now and I'm more just wanting to bless this man and show him Christ in me. God has made me a "trophy of his grace" and I can't wait to share it. I"m trying not to overthink but just to live in each moment. Please pray for rest....we are both exhausted as you can imagine. Also pray for Juan's heart and ours. In addition, it's snowy up there and we need safety on the roads. I love you all and wish I could call you each to share in person. Thanks for following this and for your prayers. "For I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, Jesus Christ now lives in me" Gal. 2:20

We found my biological father

So I've been debating weather to share this or not but decided it's time. After 26 years we have re-connected with my biological father. He is in a nursing home in Michigan. He has lost both his legs to diabetes and has sclerosis of the liver which may be causing him to be close to the end of his life (it's hard to know the situation but we don't want to risk not meeting him). My father was abusive to me as a child so for me it's about facing my fear. My brother was only 3 and a half when we escaped the violence and started over in Florida. He needs to meet his father for other reasons and I'm praying we get to see him before he passes. It's hard to know how bad it is and the reality of the situation. All this feels overwhelming at times but has been undeniable in God's sovereignty to bring all things together in his time. I'm scared to death at times but also very certain this is what God wants. I'm praying that I can offer forgiveness to someone who probably caused the most pain in my life. But I have a heavenly father that I know loves me and has healed my wounds and my need for an earthly father's love. Offering forgiveness is an act of God and not of us and I'm praying he will see Jesus in me as I'm pretty sure he has no hope in the afterlife. Maybe God will move some mountains too. Thanks for your prayers for my brother, myself and a lost man named Juan Siller.

Christmas Report

I had a great trip back to Florida. It sure was busy touching base with all of you. I had many meetings and coffee dates and saw a lot of faces at church services. My update night was a huge encouragment to my soul as everyone came just to hear about my adventures and pray for me. I shared some great conversations. God has breathed some fresh wind into my soul as I dream about the future and make plans to spend much of the summer in Eastern Europe. I had a great time catching up with family. (see recent pictures on this blog-double click to enlarge) Staying with Mom was a real treat as we saw each other everyday. Josh and I spent a day cleaning and fixing things up like good children do. Christmas day was special with the nephew opening gifts. I took a great hike that after noon just to enjoy the Florida outdoors. Josh and I went fishing and had some great talks. We even re-connected with long lost family...it's all a new adventure. It was really hard to say good bye to everyone. I think going from familiar and comfortable places to stepping out in faith is always difficult. But there is also a deep sense of worship through the tears that always comes from taking risks for the Lord. So now I'm back in Phoenix in 60 degree weather and it's beautiful out...my hair is no longer frizzy and my nose is very dry. Answering e.mail and catching up on life. May you have a blessed new year.